I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
