You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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