have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
