When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
