my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
two words...techno handjob
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
