I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
