why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
