big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
