Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
