I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
