I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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