i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
