Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
