Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
