My room smells like vodka and shame
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
