: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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