Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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