i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
