"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
