I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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