The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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