i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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