Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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