I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
