I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
