plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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