shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
