if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
