You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
