I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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