he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
