wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
