apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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