I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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