This is not my ceiling
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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