She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
