It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
