Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
