you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
