you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
