Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the raccoons are back...
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