my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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