You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
