He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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