so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
