You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
