Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
