we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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