I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
