Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
