i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
