My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
