I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
