you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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