Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
