ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
