A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
