my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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