So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
