Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
