I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
